I'm a well-rounded product person.

Over my career, I've worked across multiple organisations, different funding stages, and a range of products. Most of that time has been in product roles, although I've occasionally stepped into management. Along the way I've worked alongside some incredible people across multiple continents, experienced very different workplace cultures, collaborated with highly international teams, and worked everywhere from companies with constant turnover to businesses where people had been around for decades.

Throughout that journey, I've picked up a handful of lessons from people who I thought were genuinely great with people. They're not frameworks I learned from a book, and I don't necessarily have a neat story to go with each one. They're simply habits and ways of thinking that I've accumulated over time.

This is probably my most up-to-date list. These are the reminders I try to give myself at least once a week.

Gratitude changes the frame.

"Sorry" is important and absolutely has its place. If you make a mistake, own it. But outside of those situations, I think we overuse apologies and underuse appreciation.

I try to attach a "thank you" to most requests, or even lead with it. When you thank someone, you're reminding them they don't have to help you. You're asking, not demanding. You're giving them the opportunity to willingly choose to help, and then recognising them for doing so.

It also assumes good intent. You're communicating that you expect the other person wants to help, rather than assuming you've inconvenienced them. That's a much more positive place to begin any conversation.

So yes, apologise when you've earned it. Just don't hold back gratitude.

Whether you work in a flat organisation or a very hierarchical one, most people like being treated as equals.

Most people genuinely want to help. At the same time, if they're anything like me, they don't particularly enjoy being told what to do. It feels like their autonomy has been taken away.

There's a subtle difference between pointing someone in a direction and inviting them to come along on the journey. One assumes they need instruction. The other assumes they're capable and you're asking for their expertise.

"Come with me" almost always feels better than "Go do that."

I've found that people are far more willing to contribute when they're invited rather than instructed, even if the end result is exactly the same.

Eventually you'll find yourself thinking, this person is being unreasonable.

Whenever that thought pops into my head, it's become a trigger rather than a conclusion. It reminds me to slow down instead of doubling down.

First, I make sure I've presented my facts clearly. Then I confirm the other person actually understood them. After that I listen to their perspective and try to actively understand what they're saying rather than simply waiting for my turn to respond.

If we still can't find middle ground, I'll repeat their position back to them using reflective listening. I want them to know they've actually been heard before I decide we're stuck.

Most of the time, if neither of us is changing our mind, the blocker isn't logic anymore. It's emotion.

Maybe they're worried about being judged. Maybe they're frustrated because they don't feel heard. Maybe they're anxious about the consequences if they're wrong.

Once you find the feeling underneath the disagreement and acknowledge it in a calm, open way, the conversation often changes completely. Quite often, that's what the other person was trying to communicate all along. They just didn't quite know how to express it.

One of the biggest responsibilities of a product person is being the conduit between different groups of people.

If you've just finished talking to a customer who's genuinely anxious about a deadline, don't just relay the facts to engineering. Relay the feeling.

The same applies in every direction. Leadership's excitement, a customer's frustration, an engineer's concern about technical debt—those emotions are part of the context, not separate from it.

How you tell the story matters. The words you choose, the tone you use, and the quotes you repeat all influence how the message lands.

If you're doing your job well, you aren't just passing information between groups. You're helping each side understand why the other feels the way they do.

That's usually what creates alignment.

Avoid words like it, this, that, and they whenever you can.

Honestly, it is probably the worst offender.

Just use the name of the damn thing.

I've seen an incredible amount of confusion created because somebody referred to something with a vague pronoun instead of simply naming it. Those little misunderstandings compound over time until everyone is talking about slightly different things.

As a default, just be explicit.

While you're at it, add more context than feels necessary. Mention the feature name. Mention the environment. Mention where it's happening.

"I'll deploy it this afternoon."

...is nowhere near as useful as...

"I'll deploy the new multi-factor authentication feature to production this afternoon."

It's a few more words, but it leaves far less room for confusion.

I've seen this happen more times than I can count.

Someone gets frustrated with their manager or leadership, so they vent to the rest of the team instead.

I think that's usually the worst option.

For one, your colleagues probably can't actually solve the problem. Eventually you're going to have to talk to your manager or leadership anyway, so you may as well go to the source first.

Secondly, you're making your own job harder. If you're asking your teammates to help execute work that leadership has asked for, complaining about the people who requested it isn't exactly motivating anyone to help you.

If the issue is real, have the uncomfortable conversation with the person who can actually do something about it.

Almost every time, that's the more productive path.

This isn't really a commandment, but it's something I try to keep in my back pocket.

Remember things about your colleagues' lives.

Remember their partner's name. Ask how the marathon went. Follow up on the holiday they mentioned three weeks ago. Ask whether the dog is feeling better.

They're tiny moments, but they make people feel seen.

I certainly remember the people who did that for me.

I try to be one of them.